what can i do now..
what can think now..
my brain and my heart are never synchronized.
brain totally not functioning at all.. but my heart. hurts whenever it feels like.
from the very first few months of r/s. love was deep.. very very deep. where did that feeling gone to. i miss those times. But i know. i have no rights to.
time...time change alot of things. this is what i have learnt from.
From the day you went china. Carrying 2 phones with me.. I checked every few minutes for a reply. That was how anxious i was. Webcam. 2 timings 1130 and 530. I wanted so badly for a data plan that time. I wanted so badly for a change of phone so that i can get excess to internet outside. To get connected to you always. I missed the times that we have been together. Are these facts that laid infront of me but I just couldn't face it? Tell me..
He entered my life probably because of emptiness. Am i not wrong? Slowly he entered........
sometimes there are things that I really want... but i have no confidence to do or take.
Now, "love".. to me. has no meaning or existence at all. I have totally no idea what is that anymore. Why not you all teach me. I finally understand how Sam feels. I shouldn't have blamed him previously. Love is selfish. there is no right or wrong.
Today.. What is this feeling like. i hve no idea. I can't feel a single bit. but i know i am. indeed sad. but i guess. not as heartbroken as i had hurt you both. I am not a good girl nor am i a good girlfriend. Brain and heart will never function that well like before. If god wants to put this trick on me... I'll accept it. I believe in fate.
