Sunday, September 26, 2010
;
2:03 AM
what can i do now..
what can think now..
my brain and my heart are never synchronized.
brain totally not functioning at all.. but my heart. hurts whenever it feels like.
from the very first few months of r/s. love was deep.. very very deep. where did that feeling gone to. i miss those times. But i know. i have no rights to.
time...time change alot of things. this is what i have learnt from.
From the day you went china. Carrying 2 phones with me.. I checked every few minutes for a reply. That was how anxious i was. Webcam. 2 timings 1130 and 530. I wanted so badly for a data plan that time. I wanted so badly for a change of phone so that i can get excess to internet outside. To get connected to you always. I missed the times that we have been together. Are these facts that laid infront of me but I just couldn't face it? Tell me..
He entered my life probably because of emptiness. Am i not wrong? Slowly he entered........
sometimes there are things that I really want... but i have no confidence to do or take.
Now, "love".. to me. has no meaning or existence at all. I have totally no idea what is that anymore. Why not you all teach me. I finally understand how Sam feels. I shouldn't have blamed him previously. Love is selfish. there is no right or wrong.
Today.. What is this feeling like. i hve no idea. I can't feel a single bit. but i know i am. indeed sad. but i guess. not as heartbroken as i had hurt you both. I am not a good girl nor am i a good girlfriend. Brain and heart will never function that well like before. If god wants to put this trick on me... I'll accept it. I believe in fate.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
;
2:30 PM
好难受。。 做出的选择也不知道是否是跟着我的心走。
我问我自己：回忆难以忘记，会不会造成将来的烦恼？
我没有答案。
女人就是善变动物。
seriously i need to clear my mind. i wan everything to be a new start.. but it seems like everything come to a point of no return.
Home: A place I dislike returning to. Reason - because i tend to think alot alone. sometimes making me near suffocation.
I feel like having my brain to just stop for a few days.. and to ask me to love no one.. cox sometimes love just hurts.
emotional as i am. but this is me...
有些时候，我在想......感觉...是否一样。可是已经回不到以前那种感觉了。i know that deep inside...
feeling undefined...I was asking myself every night. where is the extreme love that i used to have. where is the extreme miss and affection i used to have. Time....is really a major factor that changes one person. Probably not to the majority.. but i know. it's definitely affecting me.
who can stand by me to tell me everything is alright....who can tell me why my brain and my heart is not synchronizing....
near to suffocation... I need to breathe.. haizz..
