Saturday, May 28, 2011
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6:02 PM
我在逃避吗？
我在奢望些什么？
我很傻吗？
我在守护着什么？
自己吗？
以前我以为爱情永不再出现。我以为我失去了所有。
但是你的出现，让我了解到爱情根本没有消失。
我好遗憾，我之前所做的决定，
我好遗憾，我差点把你送走。
我好遗憾，我没有把握。
我好遗憾，根本没办法给你的伤口痊愈。
我好狠自己。感觉无奈，好无能。
我明白一切，我能感觉到。。
好累，但是我坚持的住，因为我想看到我奢望的未来。
你能陪我走到最后吗？我真的好爱你。
我需要你。。。:)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
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10:36 PM
Am I expecting more than what it can be?
I just need a simple assurance which sometimes you couldn't give me.
I just need a simple message to greet me goodmorning.
I just need a simple message to ask where am i.
I just need a simple message to tell me where you are.
I just need a simple action to fetch me after work.
I just need a simple action to fetch me when we meet.
Am i expecting these more than what you can offer?
wrote a joke.. but reading your reply is totally a turn off point.
I asked myself. "where is those previous sweetness?"
i can answer myself. i duno
Friday, October 29, 2010
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2:28 AM
One month plus since that incident has passed.. I, myself have been wondering and trying very hard to erase it completely.
The reason... This is the scar that haunt me almost everytime i see or hear the familiar name. I pray deep inside for your happiness and for mine as well. Hoping that the choice i made this time is the choice i really want.
I missed the days where we've been friends.. And that nothing changes. Where my relationship is not spoilt because, in this way.. Distance will not split our friendship apart to near strangers.
Thank you! my dearest hubby for being there when i needed. For leaving me as friend even though we are apart, for perservering till i made my final choice, for loving me though i nearly changed myself, for keeping me by his side and for every minutes or seconds that he motivates me with his ultimate hugs. I love you always my dearest jh.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
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2:03 AM
what can i do now..
what can think now..
my brain and my heart are never synchronized.
brain totally not functioning at all.. but my heart. hurts whenever it feels like.
from the very first few months of r/s. love was deep.. very very deep. where did that feeling gone to. i miss those times. But i know. i have no rights to.
time...time change alot of things. this is what i have learnt from.
From the day you went china. Carrying 2 phones with me.. I checked every few minutes for a reply. That was how anxious i was. Webcam. 2 timings 1130 and 530. I wanted so badly for a data plan that time. I wanted so badly for a change of phone so that i can get excess to internet outside. To get connected to you always. I missed the times that we have been together. Are these facts that laid infront of me but I just couldn't face it? Tell me..
He entered my life probably because of emptiness. Am i not wrong? Slowly he entered........
sometimes there are things that I really want... but i have no confidence to do or take.
Now, "love".. to me. has no meaning or existence at all. I have totally no idea what is that anymore. Why not you all teach me. I finally understand how Sam feels. I shouldn't have blamed him previously. Love is selfish. there is no right or wrong.
Today.. What is this feeling like. i hve no idea. I can't feel a single bit. but i know i am. indeed sad. but i guess. not as heartbroken as i had hurt you both. I am not a good girl nor am i a good girlfriend. Brain and heart will never function that well like before. If god wants to put this trick on me... I'll accept it. I believe in fate.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
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2:30 PM
好难受。。 做出的选择也不知道是否是跟着我的心走。
我问我自己：回忆难以忘记，会不会造成将来的烦恼？
我没有答案。
女人就是善变动物。
seriously i need to clear my mind. i wan everything to be a new start.. but it seems like everything come to a point of no return.
Home: A place I dislike returning to. Reason - because i tend to think alot alone. sometimes making me near suffocation.
I feel like having my brain to just stop for a few days.. and to ask me to love no one.. cox sometimes love just hurts.
emotional as i am. but this is me...
有些时候，我在想......感觉...是否一样。可是已经回不到以前那种感觉了。i know that deep inside...
feeling undefined...I was asking myself every night. where is the extreme love that i used to have. where is the extreme miss and affection i used to have. Time....is really a major factor that changes one person. Probably not to the majority.. but i know. it's definitely affecting me.
who can stand by me to tell me everything is alright....who can tell me why my brain and my heart is not synchronizing....
near to suffocation... I need to breathe.. haizz..
Saturday, August 28, 2010
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5:48 AM
爱情没有对或错。
只是要一个人明白内情也是另外回事。
我的路，走到这里也已经没办法回头了。
在你还没离开之前，我给你过机会。可是你并没有把握。
我知道，我的一句话并不会改变你的选择？
到现在也是。我常常问自己，我们只是回忆，只是习惯吗？还是仍然有爱的存在。
我摸不透自己的心....
现在心里的确有答案，可是我好害怕，好害怕时间到了，选择又是另外个。
我看到了女人..真的是善变动物。
你看到了吗？摸得透我的心吗？了解我本人吗？
别人要怎样看待我，我不在乎。
只要无论我做出什么决定，我真的希望我们彼此还会保持联络。
维持朋友的身份，因为曾经拥有过快乐时光。一切难以忘记。
I hope everything will goes out right. Everything settled before my birthday. I don't want tears to be my birthday present.
As simple as it is....
but whenever i saw ur photo.. i questioned myself again..asking myself wad do i really want.. haizzzzzzzzz
I learnt that. "Time waits no one." It is definitely true.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
;
2:40 AM
everyday i face the ceiling at night.
i find that the more i am to suffocation.
i asked myself over and over again.
but no conclusion yet.
now i finally understands how S feels.
time forever ticking..the more afraid i am.
